is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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