Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
