Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
