Apparently you make a good broom.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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