We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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