I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
