I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
