It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
