What a fucking waste of an outfit
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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