I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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