i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
