I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize