operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
