Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
