I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
