bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
