I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
