dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize