shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Couch. On fire.
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