you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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