Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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