Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Houston, we have a squirter
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
