you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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