Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
