I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
