I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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