I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
