Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
