I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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