i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
