Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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