You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize