The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
