I have demons in me.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
