six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
