Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
In America we eat man semen.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
