Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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