I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
