I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
