Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
