i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
