I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
