you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
