if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
