So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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