he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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