It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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