Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
