I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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