so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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