Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
