I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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