she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize