i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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