You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
