Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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