he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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