the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
