.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
