Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
