Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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