how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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