my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
