Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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