you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
