Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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