This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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