hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
