Buhtt sex?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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